A Cup of Tea with Lottie

Recently I sat down with Lottie* to hear how being involved with the Restore Programme has impacted her life. Here’s her story:

“It is because of you guys and Katie (support worker), how far I’ve come.” 

“Before I came to Restore, my life was completely upside down. I didn’t know where to go, and I didn’t know where to start. I’d gotten out of eighteen years of domestic abuse, not long before I’d tried to overdose because of the situation I was in. I’d lost two of my children for adoption, the other five to foster care, then sadly my little boy passed away in the November, not long after he was taken into foster care. I was still having false allegations thrown at me; I’d had to move and become homeless at Christmas time in 2021 because my ex found me. I was having to rebuild my life without my family around me and just didn’t know what to do. 

Vanessa, who was working with me to try and see about helping my confidence, told me about Life Ready. I managed to build my confidence up enough to try, but I kept signing up and not attending. Then I decided one day, for some reason, I’ll just do it, started coming and carried on coming and it’s like I’ve found myself again, through coming here – and also working with [my support worker] Katie. 

I was a little bit nervous coming to Life Ready because I’d had a car accident a couple of weeks before: I had scars on my face and my arm was in a cast. Coming to Life Ready was okay because I’d got to talk to some of the team beforehand and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I made a couple of friends on the course and we’re still in touch now, which is really good. 

The first time I walked through the door I just wanted to get up and leave. I was anxious, I was swinging on my chair, forever biting my nails, playing with my hair and had to have someone sit beside me the whole time and wouldn’t let them leave. I was very fidgety, very shy, wouldn’t talk to anyone and then, after a couple of times, it was like I was part of a big family. I felt welcome for a change, because I’ve always found that wherever I was I didn’t belong because of what I’ve been through – and being adopted as well – I just always felt like I didn’t belong anywhere, and that I wasn’t good enough for anyone. But since coming here, I feel like I do belong somewhere and that people do care and there aren’t just horrible people out there. 

When I was in Life Ready I felt that the other people in the group had an understanding of what I’d been through with my domestic violence and how far I’d come. They were always asking if I was okay, what I’d been up to, how’re things going with the children, so it was like, I’m not walking in on my own any more, I’m walking into a group of friends and we’d all have a laugh, and we’d share our experiences. Most of the time I felt the laughter was aimed at me because I was usually the one to say something silly and show myself up, but I didn’t care because they were laughing with me not at me; they weren’t being mean and I enjoyed making them laugh. And then we’d have to tone it down and focus back on the course and then I’d say something and we’d all be laughing again and it was just great. It was really nice to be able to find that girl again who enjoys making people laugh and can make people laugh. And since then, it’s like I don’t care what I’m wearing, I don’t care what other people think of me anymore. Even my own children have turned around and said ‘mummy, you’re not that moody person no more, you’re not grumpy’ and it’s nice to see, and it’s nice that other people can see it, see that I’m coming back to being more me, someone who likes to laugh and make other people laugh and feels light and enjoying life. She’s been gone for such a long time. 

The most important thing I learnt on Life Ready was don’t let negative people keep you down. Walk away. I’ve had to walk away from negative people before, but I didn’t realise that someone, just a friend, can be just as negative as my ex was, so walking away from certain friends and putting that healthy boundary in place has just done me the world of good. And since doing that, these past couple of months, I’ve actually built myself up. I’ve got myself a job now, something my ex always told me I’d never be able to do – both in terms of having a job at all, but also that I wouldn’t be good at anything. But I’ve done it and I’m good at it. And I’m so proud of myself. 

Actually, coming back in to tell [the team] ‘I’ve got this job’ was just amazing – even a few months ago I said, ‘I’m not ready for this yet, I’m not ready to be back in the community, not ready to even think about getting a job’, but I’ve overcome it – all that fear – because of Life Ready and the Job Club. I’ve managed to get my life back on track.

I literally said to [the team] when I started ‘oh I can’t do this, I can’t do that’, and then went into volunteering and then the volunteering was okay, not as bad as I thought, being out in the open. I’m not bothered about people seeing me in the street any more – so long as they don’t know where I’m going – and there’s so much freedom in just that change for me: I can do what I want, when I want and I’m loving it. Even my mum said to me the other day, ‘you’re not that little girl from two years ago’, when I initially left my ex. 

My next step is to try and get my kids home, settled down with me and my new fiancee. We’re due to get married in a couple of years so we’re going to sort that out and build life together as a family and just be as happy as I can, really. 

I’d definitely recommend Life Ready. It helps you to look at the bad times and look at what you’re good at. I always used to put myself down and be like, ‘oh he said this or that’ and I believed it and it wasn’t until Sally (the tutor) and everyone else in the group said ‘we see something different in you’ that I began to believe I have something to offer, that I am confident, that I am overcoming, I am strong and stuff like that, and I started to believe in myself – if I’m even allowed to say that word – and every morning now I just look in the mirror and say ‘I can do this, and I’m going to do this.’ And then I go and do it – or try to go and do it to the best that I can!

Coming here has completely turned my life around. The experience has been amazing, I would recommend you to everyone and anyone – in fact I do.”

To find out more about the Restore Programme – or to book your place today, visit https://bit.ly/restore-signup – all of our courses are free and open to everyone over the age of 16.

If you would like to join our team we would love to hear from you! Please consider getting involved.

Finally, we rely on donations to ensure our projects continue to provide support to local people like Lottie. Please would you consider making a donation?

*Please note: due to her experience with domestic violence, certain details have been changed to protect Lottie’s identity.